Those of you who know me know that I spend a substantial amount of time on the Internet. (All the more reason to rejoin the blogging community, right?) I'm usually doing other things while online (e.g. writing essays or lyrics, researching something of interest, or learning a new guitar riff), but there have been many evenings over the last six years of my life that were simply wasted on IM or MySpace or Facebook.
On one such night toward the beginning of the summer, my dad interrupted my "Facebook time" to show me a motivational video clip that had been shown in church the Sunday before while I was out of town. I watched it with him, reluctantly... then proceeded to watch every other video on that page of my own free will.
Most of them were more humorous than motivational, which is what initially engaged my attention; but the last one - well, it wasn't humorous in the slightest, and ironically enough, that was the clip I watched over and over and over again (AIDS Awareness, Kay Warren). "Why?" you may ask. Well, it had nothing to do with the topic of AIDS, but it had everything to do with the underlying topic: "What are you doing about [fill in the blank] with your life?"
At this same point in time, I was a few chapters into both David Platt's Radical and John Piper's Don't Waste Your Life, neither of which I have finished yet (simply because the heaviness of the words is too much for a quick read), but both of which I have found to be immensely challenging. Strangely enough, the underlying message of both books is, "What are you doing about [fill in the blank] with your life?"
A few days later, I was searching desparately online to find some good Christian rap to replace the good, but not so clean, rap I had grown to love my senior year in college. My top-three picks after hours of sifting through garbage (not so much the content as the talent-level - Lecrae was about as close as I could find to "Eminem-meets-Jesus," but even he left me wanting... but that is a rant for another blog) were "Don't Waste Your Life" by Lecrae, "It's All Gon' Pass" by Flame, and "Send Me/Represent" by 116 Clique. The underlying message of all three songs? "What are you doing about [fill in the blank] with your life?" Coincidence? I think not.
I've been helping with youth groups ever since I was "kicked out" of my own on account of my age. Why? Because I love youth. Because I have a God-given passion for youth - a passion to see them know God's love for them and to see them love God in return. If there's one thing that can bring me to my knees, heart-broken and in tears, faster than anything else, it's a teenager who's hurting and needs something more than I could ever offer them; and if there's one thing that can bring me to my feet, rejoicing with tears of joy and thankful praise, it's watching that same teenager find Jesus and grow to love Him and live for Him.
About a month into the summer, in a moment of being still before God during my drive from Wednesday night youth group, I had an encounter with Him that changed everything. The questions He asked me: "What are you doing with your life? And what are you doing with this passion I've given you?" Those questions wrecked my world.
I spent the last two years of my life pursuing a degree in Computer Criminology so that I could get a well-paying job working in computer forensics and live out the American dream in my comfortable lifestyle, while still making some small difference in the world by giving God my left-over time to help with youth groups (if I had any left-over time and wasn't too tired). But God had other plans for me, and that night, He filled me with a "holy dissatisfaction" for anything less than a life lived fully for Him.
What will that look like? I'm not sure yet, though I know it will involve working with youth in some capacity. (Catch me online now, and you are likely to find my browser filled with sites, frequented by me, of job listings for full-time youth ministry positions or other youth related positions that I am applying for and prayerfully considering.) But there is one thing I do know: I will never again be satisfied with anything less than a life lived fully for Him, and to pursue anything other than the calling He has placed on my life would result in a miserable and wasted life.
So that is where the title of this blog ("Don't Want To Waste My Life") came from - where this blogging venture (that actually started several months back) began. Over time, the title may change, as God continues to work on my heart and change me; but for now, it's the underlying theme of the work He is doing in my life, so calling it anything else... just didn't make sense.
EZEKIAL 34:1-10
"The word of the LORD came to me: "Son of man, prophecy against the shepherds of Israel; prophecy and say to them: 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: Woe to the shepherds of Israel who only take care of themselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock? You eat curds, clothe yourselves with wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you do not take care of the flock. You have not strengthened the weak and healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally. So they were scattered because there was no shepherd, and when they were scattered, they became food for all the wild animals. My sheep wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. They were scattered over the whole earth, and no one searched or looked for them.
"'Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the LORD: As surley as I live, declares the Sovereign LORD, because my flock lacks a shepherd and so has been plundered and has become food for all the wild animals, and because my shepherds did not search for my flock but cared for themselves rather than for my flock, therefore, O shepherds, hear the word of the LORD: This is what the Sovereign LORD says: I am against the shepherds, and will hold them accountable for my flock. I will remove them from tending the flock so that the shepherds can no longer feed themselves. I will rescue my flock from their mouth, and it will no longer be food for them.'"
