When You're Too Stuck To Get Unstuck

Anybody feeling stuck in their Faith? Anyone feeling like the right answers are the right answers for everybody else, but not for you?

Maybe you’ve found yourself in overwhelmingly difficult or confusing circumstances, and your well-meaning friends have told you, “This is what you need to do…” And though their advice seems logical and "good" – maybe even Biblical – it’s not super helpful, because try as you might, you just can’t do whatever it is they're telling you to do.

Me too, friend. Been there, done that. And it feels frustratingly hopeless, doesn’t it?

So what do you do when you can’t do whatever it is that you need to do in order to move past your stuckness?

Well, you can push those well-meaning friends away – those friends who now primarily serve as aggravating reminders that you’re even more stuck than you first thought. And you can go back to trying to figure it out on your own. (But remember, the reason you shared your troubles with your friends in the first place was because you were too stuck to get unstuck on your own, so…)

Or you can make up your mind that it’s futile, that things will never change, that you’ll never get unstuck; and you can call it quits. (Spoiler alert: you’ll stay stuck if you do it this way.)

Or, there’s a third option. You can cry out to God and allow Him to speak into your stuckness – through His Word, through other people, or perhaps even through direct revelation. He longs to reveal more of Himself to His children; and though it may not happen overnight, He does promise that we will find Him when we seek Him with all of our hearts (Jeremiah 29:13). God is the master of helping those stuck in their Faith get unstuck again. I should know, because I’m the master of getting stuck…

I recently stumbled across an old email I sent to a dear friend of mine back in 2008 that depicts one such time when I felt stuck. And while I don’t recall the exact circumstances that led to this email, I remember enough about that time in my life to have a pretty good idea what “burdens” I was carrying at that time; and, to me, they felt unbearable.

I’m sharing this email with you, not because it’s a perfect “how-to” for this post. Rather it’s a perfect illustration of the grace of God poured out despite the fact that I wasn’t really looking to Him as the source of my help, nor was I expecting any help to come from Him. In fact, were it not for His grace, I don’t believe I would have even been able to see or recognize His hand in any of this at that point in my life. But God was revealing the heart of a loving Father to me, slowly but surely, in spite of my stubbornness, my pride, and even my willingness to stay defeatedly stuck right where I was.

So I share this email with you all, today, in hopes that it might encourage someone else in their stuckness, to keep seeking a loving Father who knows just what each of us needs. Your stuckness – whatever it is – isn’t too complex, too big, too impossible, too hard, or even too insignificant for Him.

Dear Katie, 

It took me until this morning to see how this all fit together, and even now I'm not sure I've got it all right, but God has been speaking to me - through His Word, through Pastor Troy, through you.

You told me the other day to take my burdens to the Father, and I told you I couldn't. I told you I didn't know how. I didn't expect for that to change. I didn't even try to make that change, really. Instead, I gave up on God with one last half-hearted attempt at a prayer.

The day before you wrote me that email, I opened my Bible for the first time in weeks. I don't even know why I did, quite honestly - and I'm not sure I have since then (other than this morning). Even more, I don't know what caused me to open to the passage I did. After unsuccessfully flipping around for a few minutes for "something good," I turned to a passage I had read many times, but never really understood - a passage I'd seen on your Myspace before:

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me - watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." - Matthew 11:28-30

The funny thing is, before you had written that email, I hadn't even associated my feelings of doubt or uselessness, or even all the problems I was dealing with as being burdens ... but that's what they were. Burdens that were weighing me down and were more than I could carry alone. That's why I brought them to you. I needed help. And even though I read that passage the night before, I couldn't see that, all along, He was right there, wanting to be the one to take those burdens for me - wanting me to bring them to Him.

After reading your email, I remembered those verses. I knew what the solution was, and I was starting to see the problem and the steps in coming to that solution. But I'm stubborn, and, to borrow from [another friend], I wanted it "spelled out in bold writing on the wall," and it hadn't been ... yet.

While taking notes on my bulletin this morning (which I rarely do), I glanced at this week’s verse. Any other week I would have thought nothing of it, but this week it was my "bold writing on the wall." Well, the first half, anyway.

"Cast thy burdens upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee." - Psalm 55:22a

If I hadn't been in church with a hundred other people, I would have cried. I almost did anyway. I had given up on God, but God had not given up on me.

The second half was the pastor's sermon. The concept of putting God first. I told you that lately it's felt like God's not here, even though He is. I also said that that was my fault, and I knew it was. I haven't really made any attempts to draw close to Him. Over the last several months, I've felt like a spiritual failure, which made my claims to worthlessness seem all the more valid, and every time I've attempted to draw near to God, the result always seems to be me messing everything up, which only leaves me feeling further separated from Him (although at this point, I don't know what I've feared in trying again; I don't think I can get much further away).

I haven't been putting God first for a long, long time. I haven't been putting Him much of anywhere actually. That's shown even in my tithe. I'm still holding back the ten percent from my last 3 paychecks. Not because I've been contemplating keeping it for myself - I want to give God my tithe; but simply because I haven't been making tithing my first priority. I didn't realize until this morning that giving a tenth to God was only half of it ... how and when you give it to Him is just as, if not more important (1 Corinthians 16:2). Same with my time. I've been giving Him the leftovers, or what I've been giving Him for years if only because I always have. He has not been first in any way, shape, or form.

That is why He's felt so far away for so long. Not because He left me; I left Him. Kind of like the prodigal son, I guess, only a modern day version. I'm like some rebel kid who moved half way across the country to get as far away from a loving Father as possible, to see the world (along with all the ugly things He's wanted so desperately to keep me from seeing) without the interference of an "overly-cautious" Parent, checking in every now and then out of obligation and reading (but never answering) His letters, pleading with me to come back home to stay.

That's why I said I didn't know how to give my burdens to Him. It's been so long, and I don't even remember how to pray. I struggle through the motions and say what I'm expected to when under pressure (like this morning), but it's not real. It's awkward. It's like talking to a friend I stabbed in the back (not just once, but several times) and trying to act like nothing ever happened - just picking back up at the last conversation. Crazy thing is, that's exactly what He wants me to do. I mean, there has to be a time of reconciliation - confession and [realizing] and accepting [His] forgiveness. But after that, it's just like picking up where I left off.

I said I didn't know how to give my burdens to God. That was only part true. I knew how, I'd just forgotten. I didn't see it [until] now, but He'd spelled it out for me before we even talked.

"Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." - Matthew 11:30

It's a part of being in fellowship with Him. "Keeping company with Him." One of the last things Pastor said today stuck out in my mind:

"You cannot grow close to God unless you put Him first."

When I put Him first, I will grow close to Him. In growing close to Him, fellowship will be restored. And with the restoration of fellowship, He will take my burdens.

I once said that "as long as you have hope in something, or something to hope in, you will keep going." When I wrote you that email that night, I couldn't find anything to hope in. I was desperate for something - anything to hope in - a reason to keep going.

Thank you for letting God use you in my life.